Do not let a church make you feel bad if you decide not to particpate in an event. Churches are a place for safe community, not a controlling environment
If you’ve been involved with any organized church, you've probably been approached with the yearly church trip. This can be a week-long camp, a beach trip, or a weekend retreat to the mountains in Tennessee where you spend every day doing worship sessions and praying (the last one was personal).
Before I landed on this topic I contacted my best friend Laura for some writing inspo. She mentioned how when was in church, the push to go on trips was relentless. They paid for all the trips she went on, and never took no for an answer. As I read her text, I remembered when I was in those groups, begging people to go on trips and conferences. “It will be so fun, just a weekend to reconnect!” For me personally, I always felt like I was doing the right thing. I wanted to go on this trip to dive deeper into my faith, and I wanted others to experience with me. But I remember my college campus pastor would always ask for updates. “Did you get anyone else to go? Can they get off of work? We will pay for them!” He’d say with this urgent tone. I always thought he was just a nervous person, but after getting married and being deeper into evangelical settings I realized those people had the same urgency. This wouldn’t be a Leah post if I didn’t give you the answer, soo….. The answer is one word, numbers.
Evangelical churches are obsessed with numbers. How many people were saved? How many baptisms? How much was tithed? The more numbers the better. Have you ever been to the first service after a major event? Maybe it was after a camp, or weekend event, and they flashed on the screen a bunch of numbers about how many people went, and who was saved. People will cheer the numbers even more than they did while worshipping. How do I know? Because this used to be my husband’s main job. At every camp or event, he would film the activities and worship sessions all day, then quickly edit the video together for the next day. This would all happen within twelve hours or less. For the Sunday service, the pastors would give him the number to place in the video.
“Ok, Leah this doesn’t seem that bad. They just want to keep track of everything.” True. But where the toxicity starts to creep in is when they begin to make specific goals. For example, for baptisms, let’s say they had a goal of eighty people. If only fifty people came up during the service, they would ask the band to keep playing until the goal looked like it was met. Hence why, the drum swells, the lighting goes crazy, and the smoke is released. You might also hear “God is calling more of you to come up!” This is all part of the plan. This is also why they have you fill out a million things after completing a baptism or receiving salvation.
Is this manipulation? Well, yeah, kind of. Their defense would be that they just want to give people the chance to know Jesus. It would be ok-ish if they just stopped there, but I remember my husband being involved in conversations where the number was a requirement. It HAD to be met or there would be disappointment and a possible email the following week. That is why the push for events, camps, etc, is so high. The bigger the church, the bigger the numbers have to be.
Why do they do this? The answer is tricky. A lot of it is because numbers just look good to the outside world. I mean if you’re researching a business and you see they made millions of dollars in the last year, you’re more likely to use them. They seem more reliable, than business who is smaller, and possibly just starting up. Churches, unfortunately, operate like businesses. Especially in the last ten years with the boom of mega churches. Therefore the push for events is always going to be a priority.
I will say this is a reason I left big evangelical churches, but if you’re worried your current chruch might be a little too deep into numbers, remember that you can leave. Numbers are not biblical (besides the book in the bible lol), and do not reflect the success of a church or Christian. Do not let a church make you feel bad if you decide not to particpate in an event. Churches are a place for safe community, not a controlling environment. I makes these post to spread awareness, and to shine light on what mega churches do. BUT There are evangelical churches who do things correctly, and I would love to hear about your positive, or negative, experiences at church. I love getting feedback from your guys!
Well that’s all I got for today friends! Leave a comment, like, share, and all that. I’ll see you soon. Kyrie Eleison— Lord have mercy upon us.
LR Watkins
I loved your article title, Leah- “Can I Get Your Number?” 🤪. Yes, numbers can become toxic- not only in churches but everywhere. People are obsessed with numbers. Fox example, the number on the weight scale, the number of social media likes, the number in their bank account and so on. While data and numbers can be good and useful, they can also be damaging. You are better off using your intuition and conscience (which is your spirit) to discern what’s best.
I have heard the following phrase used in a very big church I used to be involved with: "Hey everyone, it's not about the numbers, but...". Guess what came next. Yes, using the numbers to give thanks to God is awesome - we know that 5000 people were fed with 5 loaves and 2 fishes. It's using numbers to push some human's will, or inflate someone's ego, which is surely questionable.
Great post!