Sigh.. Let's Talk About The Mean Church Girls
By Leah Watkins
Hi, welcome back to my Channel! Jk I’ve always wanted to say that. But for real, welcome to my blog. Whether you found me through
or through my other post under my name. I’m excited you’re here! It’s time for another stripped-down lesson!Your family members’ status in the church is not a representation of who you are.
I’m just going to go straight into this. Chruch girls can be the meanest group of people. I would rather spend a day with a bunch of finance bros talking about their next podcast topic than be in a room with a mean church girl. The worst part is that there isn’t an age limit. I’ve experienced this as a child, a teen, and, sadly, as an adult. I want to offer a possible answer to their behavior today and some tips on how to avoid it. I also want to clarify that I am not talking about a specific person, but I will be drawing from particular points in my personal life. Also, my points come from evangelical churches.
Why are they mean?
Well, this is a tough one to answer because I’ve seen multiple reasons, but the most common reason is family affluence. Preachers’ kids, preachers’ wives, or a board member’s wife or daughter, everyone in the church knows who they are. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Leah, you’re just going to say they have a power complex.” NOPE! I used to think this, but after having my husband on staff, I realized it was something different. It was a pressure that was placed on them. The higher the family member’s position, the deeper the pressure was. They had to act a certain way, talk a certain way, and make sure they kept their family name intact. I would go as far as saying they had family conversations about it. How do I know this? Because as soon their family disappeared, they were different. Then there was me. I wasn’t raised to change myself, so I came in acting like the loud person I am, and they were thrown off. “Leah, you always act bubbly!” “You never care what anyone thinks!” they would tell me condescendingly. But what they wanted to say was, “Why do you get to do that and we can’t?” Jealousy is a powerful feeling, and it can alter your attitude toward the most innocent things. Suppression can alter it even more.
Sexual Suppression
“Leah, why are you bringing sex into this?” Because for the adult mean church girls, this one hits home. If you go back and read some of my previous work, you’ll see that I’m not shy about sex. I love talking about it and its importance in marriage and the connections in the bible. When I talk about sex, I don’t shy away from the rawness of it (No pun intended). Penis, vagnina, positions, whatever, if you’re wanting to have sex you can’t act like you don’t know about it. When I mentioned this with certain girly groups, I watched as their faces began to turn red, and their body language stiffened. I stayed on topic, I just didn’t follow the rules they had in place. Sex is still a taboo topic in some church circles, and the moment someone finds out you’re actually enjoying it, there can be some animosity. “Oh… well that’s good you’re enjoying it..” someone told me with a smug look after asking what my favorite part of marriage was. It’s not that they wanted it to be bad; they just wanted a connection. A connection that made them feel seen instead of alone.
A Fun Marraige
“You and Jason always try new restaurants.” UGH. This one always made me mad because ya girl was just trying to eat. But yes, it was told to me, and yes, they did eat at the same restaurants each week. When I would mention that they should try the place we went to, they typically told me that their kids wouldn’t allow it and that I would “see” once I had kids. The women who did this usually seemed very distant from their husbands and a little too reliant on their children. I never knew how to respond, so I typically just walked away politely.
Mean Parents Make Mean Kids
This one is self-explanatory. But if the parents are bitter, the kids will be bitter. So that mean girl who teased you during youth group most likely had a mom who was putting the same pressures she felt onto her daughter.
So you’re saying we should feel bad?
HA! no. But I do have to advise you to have grace for them. I can feel you’re teeth grinding through the screen. Their actions are not excusable, but you can control how you act toward them. Know that there are women whom you can relate to, and if you have tried to connect but still failed, consider finding another church. Know that those women are not representing Christ, and instead of taking their problems to Him, they are blaming the people around them.
How to Avoid Being a Mean Church Girl
Make your table big enough for all
If your spouse is in a position of power, don’t let it suppress you; use it to your advantage. Let others see that you are available and accessible.
If you feel suppressed in any way, TALK ABOUT IT. To your spouse first, and then to other women.
If you feel like the status you have in church overtakes who you are as a Christian, then it’s time to regroup and let go.
Your family members’ status in the church is not a representation of who you are.
Well friends that’s all I have to say. Let me know all those brain thoughts in the comments! I love hearing what you have to say. See ya later
Kyrie Eleison- Lord have mercy upon us
Sadly, this post is true- mean church people can be stumbling blocks for new and seasoned believers, as well as non-believers. It makes no sense. I need to be reminded that hurting people hurt people. So I do my best to give grace and not take things personally. Return evil with good💜
THANK YOU FOR WRITING!!!! I have in the last year become very vocal about acknowledging and publically addressing the reality that people at church hurt each other through shame, fear and other means!!! In the church I attend, some struggle to believe that is true because they are like well they go to church and do xyz so they didn’t mean to do x or hurt your feelings etc! But this is how abuse and corruption happens if we don’t ACKNOWLEDGE it. I appreciate you sharing and writing because it helps me feel seen and reminds me of the importance of my work as I continue to feel called to write about these things. I’ve written mostly about it on my Instagram but am planning on doing an article soon on substack! Thanks for sharing!